Sounds weird, but just ask yourself, when did you stand for yourself, for your rights, for your feelings, for your identity or for justice to yourself? There’s a very, very thin line of demarcation between being a rebel or adamant and standing-up for yourself! Let’s go on it in detail, since every coin has two sides, we shall see what are they:
Ever tried saying ‘no’ to your boss?
“Standing-up for yourself”, means, saying ‘No’ to anything that you cannot compromise on, or saying ‘Yes’ to anything that is a must-have for you! In simple words, if you feel something is not right, yet you are allowing it to happen, then you are not standing-up for yourself. We Indians, most of us, are taught to accept people, their behavior and circumstances as they are and by accepting them, we are prepared to let their behavior dictate us. At work place, most people try to fit in the work in their personal time, the work that can wait until next day, yet people don’t say no, just to please their seniors or to ensure they are not giving way to competition. And then this becomes a culture! When one of the employee says ‘no’ to the work that isn’t urgent at that moment, becomes the ‘bad guy’ in the eyes of superiors. However, there are managers who are leaders, who understand the difference between reality and reasons. If you are true in what you do, you communicate well on your needs and you fulfill the needs of your job, saying ‘no’ never harms, rather creates a stronger relationship between colleagues.
How about ‘no’ in a relationship?
Are you in a relationship or have you been in one? What not people lose in the name of love? It is very easy to accept any amount of restrictions, compromises and sacrifices just because we fear not to hurt the person we love, we fear losing them and in ‘want of’ having the person, we do not say ‘no’ to the words and deeds that annoy us the most. And when this mountain of ‘wish I could say what I feel’ heaps up, either it quakes and breaks us within or a volcano erupts and breaks the relationship. Either way it’s we who lose! Instead, if we understand ourselves better and learn to say ‘no’ to what is not acceptable, would it not be easier to communicate and make the other person understand this? Would it not make it easier to decide whether you really want to live with a person who does not accept your ‘no’? Would it not be easy to end a relationship before it begins on false hopes? I am writing this blog because very recently, I realized that I must say ‘no’ to many deeds of people around me, whom I have been accepting externally but internally I have been hoping that they understand my needs and desires. Most of us are lucky enough that we are not put to such a test where you have to decide whether you want to be happy now, for the moment or you want to be happy for life? I had never faced such a situation before, but now that I have, I am all the more confident. I am very clear of what I want and what I don’t. This doesn’t mean, I don’t compromise on things, I certainly do where and when needed, provided, the compromise is for the better for a person who deserves it more than me, at that moment, Yes’ doesn’t hurt!
‘Yes’ doesn’t hurt!
When we speak of standing-up for ourselves, should we not consider our needs over our wants? Its crazy to work hard/smart for an organization where your efforts are not recognized. Its taxing to be in a relationship where, you are always a giver! Unless you have attained a state of ‘giving without anything in return’, yes you might be happy, but for most of us, I know, are not at that level yet. So, be it a relationship between a parent & child, teacher & a student, husband & wife, employer & employee, siblings or lovers, you cannot be happy if you do not communicate your needs and wants, and if you are not ready to give what the other person needs. Saying ‘yes’ to your needs, communicating them and fulfilling the needs of others, only, can make you happy!
Stand-up, if not now, when?
In whichever walk of life you are, stand-up for yourself, say ‘no’ to what is not for you, say ‘yes’ to what you can and lead a healthy life. Life may seem upside down when you start listening to yourself and voicing it, remember these voices that arise when you stand for yourself, are the seeds of joy for a better tomorrow. Choices you make today, make the reality you live everyday! Days, months and years pass-by waiting and hoping your life will change, tell me, if not you, who will speak for you, stand-up for you, to make your life better?