Suicide!

….when the thoughts meet the end of roads

To all those who have committed suicide and those who would ever think of suicide –

You might never get back what you have lost but there’s more to life, give life a chance, walk the rope for once, there’s something for you, definitely something!

You would wonder what makes me write about suicide, the good, the bad about it.

Well, there’s neither.

I said, “he’s stupid..didn’t he know we are there for him? so what she ditched? there’s more to life…he’s an a**h**e.. God knows what he went through..

No law gives one the right to kill himself but the problem is no law understands that no people let others the right to live with dignity. Why shouldn’t one die if he finds ending his life the best way to prove himself?

Love? Money? Family? Loneliness? Ranking?

Love-

Lets put it this way, I am in a beautiful relationship with someone and for some reason my partner doesn’t feel the spunk between us and everything goes haywire. I repetitively try to make my love understand the love I have, but all in vain. What if I run miles together to keep up every promise or quit everything else and bend on my knees or walk on the fire? After trying every means to tell my love that there’s nothing in life other than  the togetherness, I am left with only one option to prove every word I meant, Suicide!

That is not easy. I have to kill all the relationships I am in with family, friends, colleagues, everyone. I have to ensure that the message of my death reaches my love. That ending my life will prove that “nothing meant life than you. You mean the whole world to me. Right from the moment I open my eyes in the morning, till the time I go to bed, I think about you, I see you in my dreams, I work; sing; play; only to become better to suit you. You complete my world. I just can’t live without you. I love you… I love you more than myself”

And now that you don’t feel my love for you, my absence will.

Money –

It’s a crap trap. You can come out of any debt or surrender yourself to the will of law. Suicide is not the option.

Family – 

Family can be against you for several things but not to the point of taking your life. And if they are behind your life, just walk away, walk out. Family, not always is the blood, you can make one at any point in life.

Or is it the loss of someone in family? Look beyond, there’s life.

Loneliness –

Tired of being good to everyone, yet no company to walk with. No hand to hold mine. The world doesn’t care a damn about me, why should I? This lonely life will remain lonely until I live. Let everyone whom I adored know that I adore you but you have no place for me in your life. Goodbye!!!

I have seen my buddy go through this, he proved his point but didn’t let any of us prove that in being away is also untold care.

Ranking –

Horrifying! Students are made to believe life depends on the petty marks they score. If not the marks, it is the mockery by the peer that forces the children to succumb to flamboyant flare of life.

Shocking is the fact that people from various walks of life, of all ages, consider ending oneself is the only solution to forgo disappointment, mockery and loss of reputation.

I want every child, every adult to understand that anything you consider failure is not a failure until you give upon yourself. Ill-health, bad grades, loss of reputation, inability, everything, everything are a part of life, going through these should only make you better. All you have to do is, walk to the other end, there’s life.

To all those who have an opinion on Suicide, 

I neither appreciate it nor condemn it. The pain the person goes through, that blocks the possibility of betterment is more painful than the death itself. It becomes easy to bear the few minutes or seconds of pain while losing life than accepting the pain for life or to look for alternatives to lead a better life. Don’t pity nor swear, just understand.

Many times it is not in advising or being opinionated that soothes, you just have to be at the receiving end of one’s grief. Your mere presence can affiliate one from pain. Just understand. Be that ear, that heart, that one person needs. Your friend might call you at an unwelcoming hour, just listen instead of shooing him away, taking his call for a routine.

To the family & friends of those who have parted –

Enough of blaming yourself, just let go! For the good you could not do, you can by being good to the ones you have in your life and around you!

Just breathe!!!

God! No more twists please!! (A Travelogue from Mumbai to Coimbatore) – Part I

Should I laugh or should I cry?

Twists

Twists

Ever heard of “expect the unexpected?” and said to self “ha ha it would be fun!!”
Well I have!

Excited to start my first official journey while keeping pace with the personal agenda, I wake up at 03:00 hours in the morning. A quick shower, second-check at my baggage and I am all set to board the cab at 04:30 a.m., that would ferry me to Chatrapati Shivaji Airport in Mumbai. I am supposed to board the flight to Bangalore scheduled at 6:30 a.m. I reach the airport at 05:15 a.m. and stroll to the boarding pass vending counter.

The First Patience-Test Moment
A lady of 5’3″ approximately, standing behind the counter greets me with a smile. I tuck my phone to her with the governmental identity proof.

She: “I am sorry Sir, all the passengers have reported, hence, the counter is closed to issue you a seat, I shall give you the boarding pass without the seat number. You must come back at 05:50 to get your seat number.”

Me: (Perplexed and trying to understand) “What does it mean? I had booked my ticket yesterday morning and I am 1 hour 15 minutes before the scheduled departure.”

She raises her brow, sighs, “you shall receive your seat number at 05:50 Sir, you have to wait till then”

At 05:50 a.m.
Me: Check the status now.
She: Amm.. Sir.. I am.. Mam can you please call… the baggage wait is 79kg excess.. Mam but..
Me: Can you please check for my seat first? I need to leave.
(standing next to me lady1, lady2 talk, shout, create chaos)
He: (at 06:00 a.m.) Sir, we are sorry but the flight is full. We will have to shift you to the next flight.
Me: What??? But why? I had booked in advance. I was here well before time. You can’t do this. Check. Check.
He: (pretends) Sir, we are over-booked and all the passengers have reported.
She: (stares like a cat)
Me: So have I. Why am I not allotted a seat?
He: Sir, the other passengers have checked-in online.
Me:

Look I can’t miss my flight. I have my day scheduled. I am not missing this flight. I need to go. It is her fault, it is your fault. You can’t overbook. So the preference is for online boarding and the people coming to the counter are mad then? Remove an air-hostess or a steward, give me their seat, I need to go.

He: Sir, we are sorry. We allot you a seat in the next flight scheduled for departure at 08:55 a.m.

I call up the K.P.N. travels in Bangalore and re-schedule the bus for Salem from 11:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. The lady on call confirms the loss of money due to re-scheduling. I spend another 2:30 hours strolling, reading news, people watching and sipping a cup of extremely sweet hot-chocolate.

Heroic Entry
At 08:45 a.m. I sense that the queue I have been looking at for boarding is still longer than before. An air-hostess rushes in the crowd shouting “Any passengers for the Bengaluru flight?” . I look at her and realize the queue I had been looking at was actually of Ahemadabad flight. I rush to the counter. He stamps my boarding pass.
I ask: “how am I supposed to go? Is this the bus? (pointing at the bus)”
He nods.
I ask again: “How do I reach the flight for Bengaluru, I am the only passenger left. Is this the bus?”
He nods again.

I rush and board the bus. I look around, in another 2 minutes more people board. My intuition shouts, “this is not the bus. Why are so many people boarding at the last minute?”
We reach the aircraft, I am the last one in the queue at the rear boarding.
He tears the boarding pass as taught, blinks and shouts,

Sir ye galat flight hai (this is the wrong flight)

He calls his colleague, they talk, no hope on their face. I request. They panic.
From nowhere, a goods-carrier auto-rickshaw appears. He talks to them, they disagree. We request.
Time is 08:50 a.m.
Three of us, the driver, the assistant and me, take a U-turn and at the maximum speed drive to the aircraft. While we are in its visibility, we see a couple of ground-staff, air-hostess and stewards look in all directions for the only passenger who almost boarded the wrong flight.
We shout waving our hands – Roko, roko, roko (Stop, stop,stop)

At 11:00 a.m. the cab chauffeur tells me “Yes Sir, we will reach the bus pick-up point before 12:30 p.m”. It’s a race. My brother guiding the chauffeur on call to take the roads that are not clogged with traffic. At 11:45 hope dies. The chauffeur shook his hands high. He cries “Sir, you can take some auto-rickshaw or anything you like but we can’t reach your destination by 12:30 p.m.” Race against time. My Bro leaves his work, steps on to the roads to set our path. My Bro orders me to give him one of my bags so that I can travel care-free in Salem. Tension builds in the air all over Bangalore. If I miss the bus, I’ll miss reaching Salem on time which means I won’t make it to my friend’s wedding reception, which in-turn means the amount of money, time and energy spent will go on tasting dust on roads.

Heart in my mouth
At 12:15 p.m. I meet my Bro, from the window we exchanged bags. I give him my lappie, he gives me mango shake and a pack of cookies and fully charged power-bank. The chauffeur hard at the wheel, the roads might smell the burning rubber, we did embark our way to the bus stop dot at 12:30 p.m., I sign the paper, cross the road, board the bus, sip the mango shake.

TWIST OF THE DAY
Too tired with the race and drama. I need rest. My body gives up. The mango shake is filling. I feel like having more of it. The cookies, I stack them for later. My neighbor sets to watch a movie. I smile at him for the familiarity of the race he belongs to. I feel the new belonging.

Anne, I have boarded the bus, all good here. The bag I gave you has my wallet and cards. I have no money!

Panic. Panic. Panic. My Bro calls his friend asking him to pick me up from Salem bus-stand. We exchange a couple of calls. Finally, it is decided that my friend, who’s wedding I am heading to, will hand me some cash. My Bro shall transfer some money to his account later. An embarrassing moment ends. I sit back with my mask on. I relax.

God! No more twists please!! Continue reading

The Celebrity – Me!

Suddenly, I feel the celebrity in me, again. From knowing no one, to re-scheduling parties and meets, a paradigm shift is emerging. My day starts with Yoga, the only soothing conversation that I have with my body. Then starts the race with pointers in the clock.

Everyday a new set of people wait for me to enlighten them on methods to make their work easy. A responsibility I affectionately and effectively address to. On the move, we share gnan (read as Gyan), laughter and mockery, digitally. Most often, it is from one finger to the other, nothing creative about it.

But who are these people whom I share with?

This is where it gets interesting. An arts festival which I am not related to, yet interested in, I attend only to meet the world of artists, backstage. From acquaintances to healthy bonds, we establish. Out of nowhere, half-dozed, impromptu I meet a dear friend after ages, at midnight, for a mug of black coffee (not so good). In search of air, we tread across the hill. And a plan to volunteer for a ‘play’ is coded. While the new bonds are blooming into friendship, the ‘play’ impresses me, leaves me dumb-folded, more interesting free flying souls cross my path. Warm breathe fills the air. Uncertainty gets exciting.

A day filled with unreal plans, witnessing un-imagined expressions of affection, physically mapping the distance between two ends of the same world, awaits a new experience. More people, more new friends, more plans, more deals. My outer world feels so new, my inner fights with the pain in my back prevails. I bury my physical pain in my physique, cherishing and relishing the people and their efforts to impress me. More acquaintances become friends. A rendezvous with a passionate lover missing his partner, happens. He helps me finding a teacher for my new-born passion.

Intoxication

Intoxication is the spark of passion. Intoxicated by the new passion, new people, new acts, I throw myself in-the-moment. More people of common interests I am introduced to. Friends, talks, parties, shopping, play, food, study, practice, exercise, aligning work, home and social life, cater to needs of self, humans and moments. Sometimes a kid, sometimes the grown-up, probing the unseen, sequencing the known.

Indulgence

Indulgence is the key to happiness. In the hustle and bustle of keeping pace with everyone, not disappointing any, behind the face that people see, is a reality, hidden to the world, drowning the self. I’ve heard people missing the soul who lives in their heart and not in their life, also are those whose hearts are empty awaiting for someone to lodge in. Courage and love for the self is all it takes to move the strobe of thoughts from pain to passion. Indulgence is all it takes.

The carnival of packed schedules continues. I am enjoying them, keeping to myself the thoughts that hold me back. Fun is everywhere, we have to wear it on our sleeves, someone taught me, I am practicing it now. The cycle of people, practice, talks, meetings, food, untold and ignored moments await me. As I write this, I am late by an hour for a meet, re-scheduling my plan for the day, instead of going towards West, I’ll be travelling south, the plan to meet my friends postpones and a new destiny of house hunt begins.

24 hours are just not enough

That’s the celebrity in me!!

Bring it on fellas!

Margarita with a Straw

Intense. Need of the hour. Creative.

‘Every frame aptly put’ before the audience is the definition of the film ‘Margarita with a Straw’. Its a movie for a refined mass of the society. Intelligently written, directed, edited, acted. The team together has taken the responsibility to strip the widely spoken and inherently tabooed love and acceptance of bisexuality and homosexuality.

Especially in India, it is practised to ostracise anyone who is differently-abled. A human touch that a human requires, is exceptionally portrayed in the protagonist character, yet with no sympathy symbolised in any form, is the catch.

The magnetic music is the caravan carrying emotions to exponential heights.

At the end, a Mother is the only one who knows you and understands you, better than your own self.

Kudos to the team for the faith in selves.

P.S.: I am not a movie review person. This movie deserves more.

My Sister is getting married!!!

It is insane to feel to stop your sister from getting married just because she will stay away from you. She has always been the younger one, who receives and deserves more love than I. She is the older one to scold me when I am wrong.
Lots of preparations for your wedding to do, shopping trousseau, jewelry, gifts, best make-up, a grandeur for “the day” of your life.

Hey little girl, thinking of your marriage, the day we met, the gobi fried rice we shared, the diary milk you always brought for me, our gossips about the hostel food, the mess up with the wardens, the lies we spoke to several people, the fight with the evil, the fun on stage midst the tension in the air, our arguments,the names we gave each other.. huhhhh I want them all. I want it all to be an unending story.

“The day” is arriving. You are getting married. I am still in an unbalanced state of shock and happiness. Happy for the luckiest boy whose life you will embark. But, mind you, this very day does not give anybody the license to hurt you, harm you or disrespect you. You are independent, you will always be. You will live in a home of happiness and togetherness. You don’t need to look back at us for anything, we are always with you, at every point in life.

You are a sweetheart, your sweetness grows with you.
You are an angel, laughter begins with you.
You are an over-thinker, solutions are inherent in you.
You are the nature, beauty and changes begin with you.
You are a Goddess, life begins with you.

The more I think about you, my possessiveness grows. You are an adorable idiot.
Go get married. Be yourself. Nothing can be as beautiful as you. You are irreplaceable.

Light Within!

Life does not end in darkness around you, it ends when there;'s darkness in you!

Life does not end in darkness around you, it ends when there;’s darkness in you!

 

Can you see? Then you are mentally impaired!

Trans Journey:

She said, ‘Sir, can you see?’, he added ‘Sir, this is your walking stick’, I responded ‘Uhh… no no…okay okay..’ Suddenly, the beautiful girl seemed a stranger, the boy holding the stick for me, a savior. What am I to do? Expect nothing of me, I see nothing.

Came from somewhere I know not, a girl who held my arm and soothed me to a very noisy place, [wait, did I say very noisy? Ahem…did not realize it was noisy until I could see], said she, ‘this is your first task, you have to cross the obstruction.’ I wondered, ‘don’t you see on my face, my trembling hands, the moment you shut my eyes and handed me the stick, I feel everything around an obstruction. I don’t know who you are, yet I let you hold onto me, because this is not my house and I know not, where to go. Not after you said ‘obstruction’ did I hit the stick on the floor and around, but the moment you handed it over to me. Because I know you are walking with your eyes that can see, see what may not seem an obstacle to you, the same pebble pricks me!‘ Is this the Human Instinct!

I slipped on the slope, felt the descend of the ramp, held myself upright, only a tinge of fear and doubt in my veins. Another girl held my hand now and uttered, ‘Sir, this is your money, a 10, a 50, a 100 and a 500.’ Instantly, my fingers caressed the notes, feeling them the way I never did, for the last 26 years. She ushered me to a table, I know not the shape, I hit it with the stick and escaped a dash, asking her, if I am at the right place or is the table by my side. ‘Buy a pack of cookies, toothbrush and a soap’ her voice bleak in my ear. My ears rose high to hear her right and I repeated, a pack of cookies, toothbrush and a soap? Once I started digging my hand in one of the boxes, a male voice said ‘there are 6 boxes’. Human brain is so wonderful and gracious, the feel of a toothbrush and a soap made me so euphoric and confident that my trembling voice was replaced by confidence.

Once again a new girl stepped in, asking me to buy ‘a shirt’ from the stand. I touched every garment, silky, satin, coarse and hanging. I exclaimed, it is women’s section. Gladly, she agreed and asked me to buy a garment for my girl friend. I measured the size with my palm stretching end to end, I know not the color and style, yet happy with my choice

A thin boy, wrapped my fingers around his arm and said, ‘lets go play football’. Never imagined in my wildest, play football in total darkness around me. A chime inside the ball alarmed me of the ball’s position and the claps from the goalee told me where to shoot! Yay, I kicked it right one after the other, which I wouldn’t have, if I could see.

My fears heaped in me, when she told me ‘we are in a restaurant, I’ll get you the menu’. Can someone tell me where’s the chair for me to sit, should I stand and eat? Swaying both my hands in all directions, I found a chair, in a different orientation, should I sit according to its position or should I turn it this way? I then found the table, placed myself slowly on the chair, moving me hands on the table, patting it, to find if something is there for me. My legs stretching little by little to stay at ease. I don’t know why, I moved my hands around and felt a girl sitting beside me on the left and a boy on the right. Then came a girl with the menu, reading it for us and to order, I had to remember the sequence to ensure I don’t miss any. Strangely, instead of the items appearing before my eyes, I felt my tongue mouth-watering, imagining the taste.

Insight:

Abey andha hai kya?? (Are you blind?)

Every time, when someone bumped into us, we for sure would have yelled the same, ‘are you blind?’.
Have we ever taken a moment to feel what the visually impaired feel? It’s a different world. We name it dark, we make it dark but on the contrary, it is full of life. When one of the senses stop working or feebly work, the others take responsibility of the completing the task. Unbelievably intelligent is the human body!

All through the 45 minute event of walking in the shoes of visually impaired, I experienced, fear, pain, joy, trust, success. Only question running in was ‘everything around is so settled, why do people complain?’

Having closed my external eyes, the eye within surfaced with life. Kudos to St. Xavier’s College and Viviana mall, Thane, for having thought on this and worked together to let everyone know how blocked our minds are!

Many people across the world have put together their thoughts and ideas to make life easy for the differently-abled by including them in their routine and thereby, inventing these gadgets:

Antarchakshu-1

These cards have pins that pop up for every character as per the Braile system.

2

Every line you see on the screen, gets transformed to Braile.

3

The gadget is moved on the newspaper / book and thus, it appears on screen and in Braile.

4

This one is Ruby. She is for the people who can feebly see. She works on the software named ‘Magic’, a product of Freedom Scientific.

6

Why don’t we help them?

7

Slender and sleek. It reads the text and transforms into audio. Excellent!

8

Kudos to the people who thought of this. Yes, life is fun in various angles.

9

How daring are you?

10

Now, that’s a news!!

Sad that these gadgets are made abroad and are very expensive that not many can afford. We all should do our best in gifting colors in lives of many.

‘Antarchakshu’ is the name of the event. Rightly, named – ‘The Light Within’.
I am happy for I am enlightened. A special appreciation to everyone involved in Antarchakshu and Viviana mall, to be the First Visually-Impaired Friendly mall.

Lets all extend our hearts of friendship with everyone and stop mourning about people and life.

I personally believe, ‘Life does not end in darkness around you, it ends when there’s darkness in you!’

The World is Mine. A lovely poem by Joy Lovelet Crawford.

I have so much still I whine!!

A Small Act Of Kindness Can Bring Smile On Million Faces

A beautiful poem i came across today morning:

The World is Mine
——————–

Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman,
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy,
The lad who sold it had such charm,
I talked with him, he seemed so glad,
If I were late, it’d do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
“I thank you, you’ve been so kind.
It’s nice to talk with folks like you.
You see,” he said, “I’m blind.”
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.

Later while…

View original post 150 more words

Air Pollution (poetry for children)

Mother O’ mother with you everything is fresh fresh,
With Pappa, my nose is hush hush, I wonder!
Dear O’ dear, your Pappa has no fear,
Clouds of smoke from his mill,
Chops trees to build a house up the hill,
In his ear you tell him –
No cars, no mill, no house up the hill
Take me around the green world on a bicycle!

Neva’ gonna give up!

Neva’.. Neva’.. Neva’..
Am neva’ gonna give up!

Stout is my stature,
Tender nature,
Immersed wholly
In the rhythm divine,
Don’t folly
Build of mine.
Neva’ Neva’ am neva’ gonna give up!

Desires on flame,
You’re to blame.
Your thoughts bury my sleep,
Topsy-turvy and deep.

Sucking me in your smell,
Unlikely in heaven, earth and hell.
Care is such an addiction
You’re mine is not just another diction.

This one is not you,
The rest of the world,
Too sugary, intensely caring,
Beautiful like a flower,
Wish they were for real.

Life is you,
Fun are they,
Promising hand-in-hand,
Both scoot like the sand.
Left and right,
Out of my sight.

I am not alone,
I am with me.
I am living my dream,
Changing it from together
To all by myself.

Everyone now look at me,
Not clumsy
As you may see,
I am living
Not on my knee.
You might not look at it,
No feel, no pain,
You are numb to the change,
The change in me.

Praying before you to meet,
Pleading to build a shelter, together,
Neva’ am neva’ gonna ask you,
I am living
Not on my knee.
No feel, no pain,
You are numb to the change,
The change in me.

I am living,
Not on my knee.
Neva’ am neva’ gonna give up,
I am living my dream
All alone,
Neva’ am neva’ gonna give up!

PS:
This piece isn’t just poetry, it’s a hip-hop rap, spurting the thoughts of a man who finds everyone to be available only within their comfort zone and this leads him to change his mind towards them, growing independently stronger.

नारी हूँ मैं !

Udaan Naari Shakti Ki..

Udaan Naari Shakti Ki..

मासूम सी नन्ही पारी हूँ मैं,

खेल ना चाहती हूँ घर-घर मैं,

स्वयं को निखार कर,

उज्ज्वल कर दूँगी हर राह मैं,

ना मोड़ना, तोड़ना, दबोचना,

हूँ मैं वो शक्ति –

सवार दूं मैं, मिटा भी दूं मैं,

ले चलूं तुम्हें हर ऊँचाई

ज़िंदगी भरी उड़ान हूँ मैं!!

Udaan is a NGO working towards upliftment of 300 girl children in terms of eductaional, sports, medical and social nurturing.

Naari – woman is the maker of a society. Every girl from childhood to womanhood is a sufferer of abuse of any form.
Naari Shakti Ki – a 2 day Edufest organized by Udaan has created self-confidence and the courage to face the real world in young minds and hearts of 253 children.

I wrote this poem to introduce ‘WOMAN’ to the society!